free?

9.feb.wed

2005-02-09T22:23:00.000-08:00

whoa! i splooged.

26.jan.wed

2005-01-26T17:15:00.000-08:00

shipped myself back to xanga. and since i'm too lazy to update 2 blogs, i think i will mostly use the xanga. although i may occasionally SPLOOGE and update this one.

www.xanga.com/frameoncue

21.jan.fri

2005-01-21T18:26:00.000-08:00

okay, this may seem a bit arrogant, but...

FUCK YEAH I MADE IT AND I'M INFINITELY PLEASED WITH MYSELF.

that will be all.

20.jan.thurs

2005-01-20T18:32:00.000-08:00

i get an average of 2 comments per post. while others are receiving up to 100. i feel unpopular. somehow, i just know heidi's going to comment saying, "you are."

16.jan.sun

2005-01-16T13:33:00.000-08:00

so i went to starbucks today. and at starbucks, they had this new drink called chantico. it was described as "a delightful blend of coffee and chocolate". Sounds good, i thought. I ordered a small one, just to try it. Unaware of its caffeine content, i sucked it down quickly. it was good. until later on, in the car, when i was unable to sit still. i don't think i'll drink that again.

i'm still shivering from that.

2005-01-13T19:30:00.000-08:00

let's figure this out.

call me.

11.jan.tues

2005-01-11T21:55:00.000-08:00

i am a guitar.

2005-01-10T21:52:00.000-08:00

i am at a loss for words.

2.jan.sun.

2005-01-02T23:03:00.000-08:00

recently, i've been thinking. yes, i do that every once in a while.

why are attractive people described as hot?

24.dec.fri

2004-12-24T18:22:00.000-08:00

christmas eve. the enchanted evening.

dude. this is scary. last night, i had a dream about hurting myself snowboarding. and then i hurt myself snowboarding. god damn. 5 weeks in a cast is going to suck.

21.dec.tues

2004-12-21T23:26:00.000-08:00

lately, my days seem to be filled with an abundance of tennis and nothing.

please. give me something to do.

19.dec.sun

2004-12-19T14:38:00.000-08:00

sometimes, it's wise to just shut the fuck up.

17.dec.fri

2004-12-17T08:11:00.000-08:00

Kevin Lam.

Thank you. Thank you for everything that you've ever done for me. Even as I type this, my hands are shaking, and I'm crying profusely...

Thank you for being there. Thank you for being an awesome marcher. Thank you so much for being the smiling face that lifted my spirits when I was down. Thanks for all those times at Marching Band when we ran around like idiots. Thank you for the support and all the high fives and hugs before competitions. Most of all... thank you. Thank you for being Kevin.

I never thought something like this could happen to somebody like yourself. I've dealt with death, yes, but it was always with the old. It was bound to happen; I expected it. And even with my expectations, it still hit me hard. But this? This hit me like a 747. You were young. You were happy, always smiling. You were so promising. I mean, you were in track, MB, LSD, and even wrestling. God. I wish it was me in your place.

But I know that if you were here, you wouldn't want us to mourn. I imagined you at our Winter Formal table last night, laughing at us. So I'm trying, trying my best to get through this. But you'll have to understand, it's not an instantaneous process.

So. Kevin Lam. I hope that wherever you are, you're having a wonderful time. And thank you, one last time, for everything.

And to all of us: We're all down. If you need someone to talk to, please. Talk to me. Because I want to talk too.

.rest in peace.

12.dec.sun

2004-12-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

after studying like crazily for finals, i realized...
it's a month to my birthday!!!
here's a subtle hint: iPod.]

that's right, someone's going to shell out 300 bucks for me. i hope.

fine, i won't make the date the title.

2004-12-10T22:11:00.000-08:00

so today we got the masks for WF. i was excited. so i put it on, and my unorthodox asian face doesn't fit the mold. it's for white people. i feel that we've been discriminated. which is ironic, seeing as there's a MADE IN CHINA sticker on the mask.
things seem to be clearing up, but i see more coming in the near future.

This certifies that I, Ryan Ngai,

Have Become Cooler

Than I was Before

6.dec.mon

2004-12-06T16:25:00.000-08:00

Dude. We won parade. This makes no sense at all to me. We spent about a total of four hours practicing parade. Which Lynbrook sucks at. And we take grand sweepstakes. Then we spend about 390482934 full day practices on our field show. For which we take 0/5 grand sweepstakes. How does that work?
Anyways, I had fun marching in front of all the gawking spectators, including parents who were coercing their 3-year-olds to dance to the music. It was a good way to end the season. except. Dexter broke our trophy.

Why is everybody dying?

4.dec.sat

2004-12-04T21:52:00.000-08:00

i got fitted for my tux today. apparently, i'm too skinny.

i got into this big argument with the lady over whether or not i could postpone on telling her the color of the vest and bowtie. it took me an hour to work her over, but with my seductive charm, even convincing this sleep-deprived tux vendor was no biggie. except not.

on another note:

i'm wondering how long this will last for.

30.nov.tues

2004-11-30T20:31:00.000-08:00

face down across your floor.

just as long as this is loaded.

29.nov.mon

2004-11-29T21:03:00.000-08:00

yeah, i got lost in a supermarket today.

24.nov.wed

2004-11-24T18:08:00.000-08:00

this is bad.

i can't eat anything without vomiting it up ten minutes later...

i don't know if this is physical or mental. i've lost 20 pounds in the last month.

shit. help.

22.nov.mon

2004-11-22T17:50:00.000-08:00

Such Great Heights. The Postal Service.

an awesome song. yet it makes me wonder...

the line

"I think that it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned."

okay. first of all, what?! we have freckles in our eyes?

secondly, if we have the same freckles in our eyes. we have similar eyes. this tells me that we're possibly related and that i should dump you as quickly as possible.

analyze that.

what.

2004-11-20T17:26:00.000-08:00

fine.
i'm tired of this. if you all must know, then YES, there is a fucking shitload of bullshit going on in my life right now, alright? and I appreciate that you all want to help. but i don't want you all to be dragged down by my problems. you ALL have your own. i'm sure of that. if you want to talk to me about your problems, i am completely open. you can come, i assure you that i am a good listener. i can discuss what's wrong in your life. but i have no interest in being apologized to...
all it does is make me feel bad. if you want to listen to my problems, then lay it out like i have above. tell me that you want to listen. believe me, i love having friends who want to listen. and when i really talk to people who want to listen, i don't give wishy-washy bullshit, i give what's what. so unless you're really in for the commitment, don't say you want to hear my shit. but if you do, i love you, thanks. but please. don't just apologize to me. it leaves me in an awkward position in which i don't know what to say. i feel bad for this, i feel bad that you're sorry, i feel bad that i made you feel bad.

20.nov.sat.

2004-11-20T15:18:00.000-08:00

Ah, the crafts faire. this time, Mel, Heidi, and I had the wonderful job of "Vendor Hospitality". From 9-11. We got there, and, being the ignorant fools that we are, (or I am, maybe i should speak for myself), we asked what we were supposed to be doing. Spying a chance to be an idiot, Matt jumps in and tells us that we should be doing his job, which is begging for donations from the vendors. So, unknowingly, we take over, when we chance upon the wonderful coffee cart (at this point it is in complete disarray). And, asking the girl what her job is, we receive the reply, "vendor hospitality". At which point, we stand there and just kind of go, "What." So we just dump the donations cart there in our angry defiance, grabbing the coffee cart. Then Melody and I, being the neat freaks that we are, decided to renovate the vehicle. First off, we taped plastic bags on the sides, removing the inconveniences of walking the whole 10 yards to throw things away. Secondly, we organized our spoons, creamer, and other coffee supplies on the top level, while putting our awesome, yet amazingly quickly depleting supply of muffins on the bottom. Oh yeah. Cups were down there too. And we were so horribly slick that the vendors were like. "omogmogmogmgogmoasdyroueaoiufdsayourehospitalityidsffsdfsissisisisis soooooooogoodod."
Well, not really, but it makes my day.
So after our shift, we ate burgers. Pure bliss. And then we sort of invited ourselves to Anthony's house. Where we took over his computers. And listened to music and talked on AIM. And, unforgettably, Heidi was attacked by his tiny dog.

And this was my Saturday.

Don't go yet. One more thing.
This goes out to all my friends. If ever I do something, anything annoying, stupid, fucked up, or just unsatisfactory in any way, feel free to tell me. You call it insecurity, but I call it staying aware. There's no way I can improve if I'm unaware of my problems. Thanks. Unless you think this is stupid.

17.nov.wed

2004-11-17T23:08:00.000-08:00

apparently, i've forgotten what i was going to blog about.

thank you for the correction. i am A idiot.

16.nov.tues

2004-11-16T17:04:00.000-08:00

i hate it when people think something, but don't say it. it makes me nervous. there are certain people that i see, and i have no idea what they think of me. and they act so enigmatic that i cannot figure it out. i wish that these people could just say it, could just tell me what's wrong. things won't get better if they're not laid out into the open. i mean, yes, they may hurt at first, but in the longer term, it's all for the better.

i try so hard.

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.
The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he's too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!" or the most frustrating of all: "no, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

14.nov.sun.

2004-11-14T13:40:00.000-08:00

this MB season went by so quickly. good job at the last competition, guys. thanks for the great times seniors. i'll miss you guys, and all that mushy stuff, etc. i hope all of you* who aren't graduating are coming back next year. it'll be a fun season.

*this excludes a select few who have garnered my hatred.

11.nov.thurs

2004-11-11T22:33:00.000-08:00

man. there are so many of us with bitchy parents. hang in there, we'll pull through. dammit, heidi, we're getting you there whether your dad likes it or not.

10.nov.wed

2004-11-10T16:56:00.000-08:00

goddammit.

8.nov.mon

2004-11-08T17:20:00.000-08:00

shit. here comes WF. finding a date will not be easy. i mean, goddammit, im completely unphotogenic. meaning i'll have to find somebody that will be unphotogenic with me. because believe me, when your date looks pretty goddamn hot and you look like you came out of The Ring, it's not a pretty sight. and combine that with the fact that i have to find somebody that will go with me, and its virtually impossible to find a date. plus, i'll probably use the "i lost my wallet" line when i get there.

6.nov.sat

2004-11-06T23:32:00.000-08:00

so i bought a couple of shirts and a jacket today. that was good.

but the rest of my day was shit. i went to play tennis, and found that i had completely lost the stroke that i had spent like 2903840239 hours PERFECTING at the last two clinics.
and then i went to jamba juice, only to find that there was a line of 2903840239 people. and this really annoying blonde girl that i had to stand next to in line for like 2903840239 years. she wouldn't stop talking about how her boyfriend was like, omgomgomg so fucking good in bed. so i'm just on the verge of turning around, and telling her that i did not feel the need to hear about her bedroom adventures 2903840239 times, when the cashier said, "NEXT.". so the cashier asked me 2903840239 questions about what kind of power boost i wanted. and i said about 2903840239 times that i didn't want a power boost. and after about 2903840239 goddamn minutes she finally realized what i was trying to say.

and now i'm at my friend's house, discovering that after 12 cans of soda, it's difficult to get to sleep.

5.nov.fri

2004-11-05T18:15:00.000-08:00

nathan...
sometimes you worry me. i never thought you would actually go this far. look... i know that sometimes, life can be complete shit. i've had my share. and i know that my pain is probably nothing compared to yours. but you know, you've got friends in us. we're all here for you. we love you.

3.nov.wednesday

2004-11-03T22:26:00.000-08:00

i'm bleeding.

what the fuck. my dad called me a dumbass. again. so today i finally told him i was tired of the shit he's been giving me for 15 years. and he got mad. and told me i'd been a fucking burden on his lazy ass for the last 15 years as well. I broke a pen. it shattered. my finger is bleeding all over the place, dammit. damn, my blood is pretty dark maroon. dented my wall. i think my right middle knuckle is broken.

thank god i have friends to lean on.

i cried again. i haven't cried in like... 2 weeks.
thanks to those of you who are there.

2.nov.tues

2004-11-02T18:42:00.000-08:00

ha. i can't vote, but i forced my non-voting cousin to vote for Kerry for me. so essentially, i voted. take that, you oppressive fools. trying to stop me from voting.
my cousin came back with an "i voted" pin. i will wear this. man. i am such a rebel.

1.Nov.Monday

2004-11-01T17:13:00.000-08:00

goddammit, people. when you post comments, please sign your name at the bottom. my psychic prowess is fading these days.

30.oct.sat

2004-10-31T02:08:00.000-08:00

well. actually, technically it's sunday. but shut up. we kinda sorta owned at salinas? we beat homestead. again. yet we had the hugest tear in the middle of part 3. but good job guys. i'm proud of you.on a brighter note, the bus ride back was enlightening. first. i had an encounter with nicole's foot. and ananth's. ensuite, in a desperate attempt to escape the impending jaws of boredom, we decided to be just completely asian high school children. yes, CKBC (cool kids band crew) played truth or dare. and in all of this blasphemy, i somehow ended up making out with winston. and smooching greg. but our hopes of seeing nicole and melody's antics were shot down. guys, that was a peck. and nicole. if you upload those pictures and make money, i demand a 97% royalty.
Melody, you are going to Spain.

29.oct.fri.

2004-10-29T18:03:00.000-07:00

okay. so today was pseudo-halloween day. people in costumes drove me to exercise my wonderful Halloween spirit applying eyeliner to myself. yes, i was spooky. and things went well until 2 seconds passed, at which point i was reminded that eyeliner bvrns for some odd reason. and i was like omgwtfow. but i got used to it. and went to math.
so, i suppose i should be happy. but isn't it ironic that on halloween, roxy decides to clothe herself? i mean, not that i condone her wardrobe (or lack thereof), but considering it's Halloween, she's alot less scary.
all in all, today was informative. i came to 3 revelations in one day: 1. when i randomly walk around at school, i somehow always end up behind Heidi. 2. those bruises on my shins are results of Melody's constant and habitual kicking. 3. ananth has shoes that are somewhat blue, yet remind me so much of gray that i cannot decide.
FIN

2004-10-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

sounds good.

2004-10-26T18:51:00.000-07:00

okay. so now that i've settled in, let's do some, well, blogging. so. apparently, cool kids band crew was not in session today, which was extremely disappointing. and my images arent working. god damn. but shit, we're going to Spain. with a majority of the trip involving free time. to enjoy Barcelona. and also involving dinner on your own. which means we'll have to pay. fuck.
and i didn't get to play tennis today, which sucked. because i thought it was going to rain. but it didn't. and then i was like shit i should be playing tennis but i'm not because i don't have my rackets and clothes so i guess i'll go home and get rid of my old blog and then set up a new one and talk to people. and then i watched pokemon. Ash got turned into a pikachu today.

okay.

2004-10-26T18:46:00.000-07:00

so apparently, uploading images here is a hassle. shit.

m.

2004-10-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

started a new blog today. as you can see.